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I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
I`m really easy to get along with, once people learn to worship me.
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
A woman that doesn`t ask for nothing deserves everything
New Life Goal: Get a job where people ask me, "You actually get paid for doing this?"
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
You`re right, vodka. This is the perfect time to use a hammer.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.