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What`s it called when it`s 9:20am and you can`t wait for dinner? Oh, it`s called fat. Nevermind.
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
I found out last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee is sleeping right through it.
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
No matter what you do on the computer you always end up on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Youtube.
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.