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Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
A mistress is something between a Mister and a mattress.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
If you didn`t want to be hit with a shovel then you never should have started telling me about your problems.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth ... and drink all the vodka inside ... It seems to help
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Buy all your socks in one color - problem of the missing sock solved!
In heaven, the Cheez-Its are salted on both sides.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative