Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
I put a pair of boots in the bathroom stall at work so nobody else will use the stall that I like to use.
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
So I was thinking... We should get drunk and make bad decisions.
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
Thanks to Facebook, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
A group of toddlers is called a migraine
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
REMEMBER: If you start to hear banjos, get the hell outta there!
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
Hey, people who don`t drive *exactly* like I do. Get off the road!