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When your mother asks you if you`re sexually active, the correct response is: "No, I just lie there."
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty
that moment when somebody calls your house phone and ask where you are
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
Was that lightning? ... No, they`re taking pictures for Google Earth.
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
"I" before "E" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"