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Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
Handle every stressful situation like a Dog.....Pee on it and walk away.
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
Women seem to want security. At least that`s what they yell whenever I approach them.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
Apologising does not mean you are wrong and the other person is right, it just means you value your relationship more than your ego.
Been there, done that. allegedly
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth ... and drink all the vodka inside ... It seems to help
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(