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I didn`t get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.
Please either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it`s your choice.
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
There better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober.
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage