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The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
I don`t know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I`m looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.
Yes Grandma, I`m almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don`t subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.