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I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
My internet goes out more than I do.
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.
Real friends show me their boobs
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.