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How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
And by "whatever" I mean f*ck you.
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station`s phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....
Bad decisions make good stories.
Tip of the day: Don`t be a douche!