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Before the internet I used to like people.
Who the hell is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.
I just found my Christmas Spirit.... It`s been in aisle 6 at this liquor store the whole time!
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.