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Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
I try to conduct myself as a perfect gentleman whenever I meet a lady. Chicks dig that.
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their sh!t together.
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)
People who say they suffer from constipation are usually full of sh!t.