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I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
Funny how drinking 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers, and 6 shots, go down like a fat kid on a see-saw.
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
You can tell by a woman`s feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
Answering my phone and saying... FBI fraud division. Has really cut down on the telemarketers.
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
I`ve often wondered: Who the heck is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.