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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
I don`t mind helping people as long as I`m not slightly inconvenienced.
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
Normal trees probably look at Christmas trees all dolled up and think .. "Whore"
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
Don`t be upset that you`re single; be happy that someone isn`t ruining your life.
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.