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Dear guys: Women don`t want pictures of your d!ck. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
My wife even says "NO" in her sleep. The force is strong with this one.
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
My online dating profile is just a picture of my ex-wife and the words "NOT THIS."
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I can’t even walk down my driveway in winter.
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.