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We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
When a man talks dirty to a woman it`s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it`s $3.95 per minute.
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.