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I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
No Grandma, "sausage fest" is not a new special breakfast at IHOP
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.