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My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don`t run into anyone you know
Marriage is a workshop where husband works and wife shops.
How can we call ourselves "evolved" when signs are needed to remind people to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom
Can Walmart be a feeling? I`m pretty sure that`s how I`m feeling today.
You`d think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won`t
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.