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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
I’m in no shape to exercise.
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.