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Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
Is it wrong to tell a knock knock joke to a homeless person ?
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
Lots of us suffer in silence. You should try it.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from.
Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?