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Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart?
Perhaps Voldemort’s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
Do you realize that Scrooge was essentially water-boarded into changing his outlook on Christmas?
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
My boss was all, "Do you know why I called you to the office, " and I was like, "I dunno is there a hidden security camera in the bathroom."
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.
After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I`ve successfully installed Java. He hates me.
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.