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I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive behind them slowly blasting Eye of the Tiger for motivation.
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
When reality kicks in… add more booze.