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Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
I bet it’s pretty hard at a mime’s funeral to figure out when the moment of silence is over.
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
The key to a successful relationship: Tools > Internet Options > Clear history.
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
Man: "You look nice today..." Woman: "Was I ugly yesterday?"
If you don`t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
I’m thinking there’s some type of filter that prevents normal people from like my page