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lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.
If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you`re the worst employee at a toy factory
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
When we were kids, we didn`t have Pokemon Go. If we wanted to look for things that weren`t there, we would get stoned like normal people.
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.