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The only Spanish phrase you need to learn is, "I know you guys are talkin sh*t about me."
I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
His idea of cleanliness is sweeping the room with a glance.
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.
These bar stools are creaky!! [continues to fart on first date]
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.