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I thought the movie `fast & furious` was about my sex life. I`m fast, my wife is furious.
Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don`t care if you get the last iPad Mini.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
One time I exaggerated so hard that I died.
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors