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And then her mood ring just...exploded
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
Marriage. When dating goes too far.
I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel... It was 3 weeks from tomorrow.
Why is it that the instant I buy new chap stick, the old one magically reappears?
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
Three words to ruin a woman`s ego. "I can`t tell."
Objects in spandex are larger than they appear
When I count calories it involves a bunch of multiplication.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
Friday Night Inspirational Message: You miss 100% of the shots you don`t drink.