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So when a couple gets engaged on Facebook for April Fools it`s okay to comment "hahaha" but the rest of the year it`s rude??
I got married so that I can be autocorrected even when my phone is off.
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
Of course I`m using OJ as a mixer, it`s flu season.
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullshit I’ll put up with before I catch on.
The problem with today`s children is that today`s parents are idiots.
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
How many servings of fruit are in a fruit roll up? I`m trying to take my diet seriously now.
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.