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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today.
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
I`ve just finished doing my hair, want to come over and mess it all up?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)