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I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I`m going to a different cafe.
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,…Why don’t you ever smile in my pictures?
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.