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I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
A man is as faithful as his options
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
I need a fixed income. Mine is broken.
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.
It`s not "you`re" or "your". It`s mine. It`s all mine, everything is mine!
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.