Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I swear this is the last time I watch Groundhog Day
My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn`t listen to me... I said,"You`re about to walk into a lamppost."
I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was β€œreduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
Just realized I have more in common with Garfield than I have with most people
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I`m going to bed
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
scratch here ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal my status
I wish the minutes after hitting the snooze button lasted as long as microwave minutes.
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.