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My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
These techno songs last longer than my first marriage
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!
I mixed Taco Bell sauce into my Ramen Noodles, It tastes exactly like poverty.
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?