Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
Definition: Brain - Your body`s hardest working organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth until you...fall in love.
I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
Some of my best memories are naps.
Paying a homeless man to pee on your ex`s windshield, is just about the most fun you can have with 5 bucks.
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that`s not just the booze talking either".
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.