Daily Silly Status

You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.

Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.

So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.

I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.

I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.

Never scratch your a$$ with chocolate on your fingers.

Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.

What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they`re going to be talking.

FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.

I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.

I swear, its like EVERY payday I gotta spend money cause there`s a birthday party to go to, a wedding, a baby shower, a new video game, a new stripper, something. Always something...

ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.

I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one

Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.