Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
We live in a society that’s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
I know I have a long way to go but look at how far I`ve come.
If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m a person.
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
You can always make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.
Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.