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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.