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Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other, it`s given me another reason to stare.
I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
I learned how to kiss passionately by practicing on my hand, but now it just uses me for sex.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
I DON`T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON - Never mind, I found it.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
Girlfriend: You`re acting like a little kid. Me: What do mean, little kids can`t drink.
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
I mixed Taco Bell sauce into my Ramen Noodles, It tastes exactly like poverty.