Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
Rubix cubes are EASY....when you`re color blind.
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
Commence six months of the clock in my car being wrong.
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
Theirye’re, problem solved.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
I hate it when I open my fridge and get punched by a bear... =/
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.