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I may look like I`m doing nothing, but in my head I`m quite busy.
Pretending to tolerate other people is exhausting.
Son to mom: why should I sweep the floor? Mom to son: do you want to be an Olympic Curl champion?
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry