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With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, no matter how wrong they are. And that`s why we have a problem.
Apparently "Fat Tuesday" doesn´t constitue telling fatties they´re fatties.
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
Cops are allowed to tell women they have the right to remain silent, but when I do it I wind up with a fork in my leg.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.