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When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
Learn cursive, they said. You`ll need it your whole life, they said.
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
life is short play naked
I walked briskly with scissors today. I’m pretty wild.
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
The sooner one of you ladies takes ‘one for the team’ and becomes my girlfriend, they sooner I leave the REST of you alone!