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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.
Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
Sometimes I think if it weren`t for the gutter my mind would be homeless...
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
I`ve been married twice. The next wife I have will be someone else`s and she can just go home when she`s mad at me.
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.