Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti! I just want a future archaeologist to have a great day!
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what! Who wants to be in a hurry?!?
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
We all make mistakes .... I just do it better than everyone else.
I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for a weekend
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.