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The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to open the vodka is the smartest.
Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
Admit it, at some point in time you’ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood until they move.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.