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We live in a society that’s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
Don`t tell me what to do unless you`re naked.
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
First Rule of Camping: Put up the tent before you start drinking.
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can’t even make her a mix tape anymore?
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.