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"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
**TORNADO WARNING** Everyone head to Giants Stadium. Safest place to avoid a touch down.
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to .... unless your in prison!!!
I’m amazing in bed. I have the ability to stay there all day.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."