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So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
When I was growing up the TV was my nanny.
Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one.
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what Iām doing.
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.
I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.