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Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
Teens today have it so easy. We didn`t have self-checkout lanes when we bought condoms.
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
I`m trying to cut back on posting pics to Instagram, so I`m not going to eat anymore.
with great power...comes great electric bill...
I was having breakfast at a friend`s house and she said "How do you take your coffee?" I said "Very seriously."
I`m worried that my guardian angel is a crack head.
I think even hospital gowns cover more than my insurance does...
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced “Haha, f*ck you!”.
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.