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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
I just started dating a homeless girl and it`s great! When I take her home, I can drop her off anywhere I want.
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
Every dog is a badass until you decide to vacuum.
I don`t understand when people say `age is just a number`... Age is clearly a word.
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
Walmartians: Nothing says `FML` like these curious abominations of the shopping world.
Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don`t want to get up there and there`s no coffee.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
Check this one out.........1
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.