Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before I go to bed?
Was born with a rare condition called "Amazing"
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eegs
Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved
Calm down shouty museum man. I think it`s pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
Relationships always start out as "You`re smart and funny." and end up as "You think you know everything and it`s all a joke to you!"
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn`t make the cut.
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
You want me to smile? How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren`t getting enough fiber?