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Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
My wife always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
Ladies: if you argue with your man naked, you will win every single time.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
Life is fun! You should get one.
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
A coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding in case you were wondering why this paper airplane I’m making has lace on it.