Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
Before bed, my Dad would always say, "OK son, time to hit the sack." Not sure how me punching him in the balls helped him sleep, but hey, that’s my Dad for ya.
Women who tell me I have commitment issues have never seen me with a large pizza.
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..