Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you think you aren`t creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
The sperm bank is overpriced to store my stuff so if you come over, don`t use the cloudy ice cubes from the tray labelled "Future Champions"
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
The problem with diets is pizza.
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
The buses don`t go where you live do they.
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn`t" you can rest assured that he did.
Overheard at grocery: Paper or plastic, sir? Doesn’t matter. Im bisacksual.
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.
Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.