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Have you hugged you bartender today.
If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don`t want to talk.
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached
No one should be surprised that so many statuses are about unhappiness and failure. You don’t end up on Facebook by making good life decisions.