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A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
Question: : What do you get if you add human DNA to a goat? ... Answer: Kicked out of the petting zoo
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.
AWESOME!
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?