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I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
I was disappointed to learn that the Discovery Channel’s program “Deadliest Catch” wasn’t about first marriages.
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it’s a defeat.
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
"nice crocs. where did you get them?" - nobody ever
You never know how many people you dislike until you have to name your child.