Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
Checking the time on your phone twice because you were`nt paying attention the first time
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”
Monday must be a man ... It comes too quickly.
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
My phone dies faster than a black man in a horror film.
The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.
It`s awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.
"There are singles in your area." - me telling a stripper she forgot some money on the floor
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"
I miss the old days when I could say I wasn`t around and you couldn`t check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.