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I`m still mad that video killed the radio star.
We may be an advanced nation but we still have to remind employees to wash their hands when they pee.
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
If history has taught us anything, it`s that reheated french fries are gross.
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.