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Dieting is for the birds. Which is why you hardly ever see a fat bird.
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
The buses don`t go where you live do they.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
Next time a guy says he wants to fight you, just say "not in that outfit!" and roller skate away
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Today feels like a stay in bed, pull the blankets over your head, and pretend you`re on an adventure in a kangaroo`s pouch type of day
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.