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Why didn`t you tell me that I wasn`t going to like you
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
You say you want to bring me back to reality. You’re assuming I’ve been there before.
I’m not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.