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Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
Remember, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it`s because you`re a whore.
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
Home is where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
Time to turn over a new leaf ... With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject