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E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, Iām gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache...and then she won`t talk to you anymore.
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells "CODE RED, CODE RED" really loud then people scurry like mad.
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?