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Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
I yawn all day at work & school. But when it comes to at night, I’m not tired at all.
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
So much to do and so few alibis.
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
"This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel
Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is `What is never the answer?`
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?