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My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
when a girl says "whatever" what she really means "I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and then eaten by it
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.