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"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
2 words, 1 finger.
Selfie... Because it`s important to realize that it`s not the photographer who is making you look ugly.
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
Some days your the duck. Some days your the goose.
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
I just took the "What Kind of Asshole are You?" quiz and got "The kind that posts my results on Facebook".
My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.
To settle an argument, think about why you are wrong and why she has boobs.
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.