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Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
Pretty sure autocorrect and Siri talk shit about me behind my back.
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
How do nudist clean their glasses?
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion