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Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
I`m looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
Lay-Z: My rapper name.
They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were texting all night with a calculator.
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.